


Sunset

by hydroxide (incantations), incantations



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentions Of Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:02:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12304629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incantations/pseuds/hydroxide, https://archiveofourown.org/users/incantations/pseuds/incantations
Summary: He came home with different colored lipstick stains on his pressed white dress shirt. The air was filled with the scent of cheap perfume. Luhan loved him, but he realizes his worth is more important than staying for someone who doesn't even care anymore.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> to all those in pain

Title: Sunset  
Pairing: Sehun/ Luhan  
Rating: R  
Genre: angst  
Prompt : I’ll still love you, even if it’s in memories of you and me.  
W/C: 1,388

 

 

 

  
Luhan asks himself, if it’s ever worth it.

Is it ever worth waiting at home for someone who might not even return?

Just when he’s about to raise his hands up in surrender, Sehun comes home with little gifts, a bottle of champagne, and a strong desire to make Luhan experience heaven. And Luhan forgets about the pain, even if it’s for a little while.

There’s something within him that says that maybe this is all a misunderstanding, and that Sehun will come home, he's just busy with work. That's all. He's not delusional, but he knows Sehun will come back to the place in between his arms because home is where the heart is.

He’s lost in all emotions--given himself up for love. He knows why he still waits around because there’s still that faint hope that he'll come back. But what use is it to find the people that don't want to be found? Luhan’s heart clenches: it’s an awful sting in his chest, but it’s nothing compared to the pain Sehun gives him.

-

Sehun once told him, that he had his heart. That he belonged to Sehun, just as much as Sehun belonged to him. It was embedded into every fiber of his being. Their bond wasn’t simply something that you could easily tear apart, but he started doubting that the moment he saw the lipstick stain on his dress shirt.

But the thing is, Sehun was notorious for being a player: someone who could easily call off a relationship, someone who would easily wall into the hands of another woman. Luhan is left with insecurities that eat him whole. He wondered if there was ever a part in Sehun that wanted him as a woman. Luhan always thought that maybe, maybe he wasn’t enough for Sehun, and that one day he’ll leave. He changed for Sehun, he just wanted the latter to do the same.

Luhan’s beginning to think-- no-- Luhan already knows Sehun was slowly leaving.

His heart is a vase, a large crystal vase, and Sehun reckless fool who shatters it every time he lies about his sexual escapades with unknown women, the reasons why he comes home late at night. And Luhan is slowly fixing his heart, picking up the tiny glass shards with bare hands. He’s trying not to get cut, but sadly, his fingers are left with open wounds every time he tries again.

-

Staring at the cold empty space beside him, Luhan runs his palm warm up the space left unattended. He’s slowly coming in terms with himself, that it’s not worth it. It’s not worth the hurt; it’s not worth the broken heart. Sehun cut him open, and it’s for sure that he won’t fix him up anytime soon.

It’s not worth having this empty hole in his heart every time he sees something that he doesn’t want to see, like the faded red lipstick on the sternum of his almost, gone lover’s sternum.

For now, he’ll think back to the time, where strong arms were impossible to sleep without, and happiness was unlimited, not timed.  
-

_What happen to us?_

“You were supposed to be my future.” Luhan whispered to the broad back facing him. He wanted to run his hands up and down the length, but he restricted himself. It’s now or never. He’s been thinking about it for the past couple of days. It’s been on his mind for a while, but Luhan knows he’s had enough. Everyone deserves happiness right? So why can’t he?

There’s a disgusting smell of perfume that was caught in Sehun’s hair; it constricts his lungs everytime he takes a deep breathe. He’d rather die from asphyxiation, instead of smelling the sexual escape Sehun had last night.

Luhan wants to run away, and never see him again. He needs to give his weary heart a break. And Luhan’s thinking that maybe that’s the right choice. _It’s not like he’ll care. The only reason he comes back is because I’m his safety, he knows I wouldn’t leave_. Luhan thinks bitterly to himself.

_Were you really in love?_

“Or was I just a game to prove to yourself you can get me.” Luhan holds his breath in, and forces himself to push closer to that back. Closing his eyes, and smelling that musky scent that filled the air—the one not contaminated by perfume-- Luhan’s lips press against the nape he would lovingly mark every night, a final kiss goodbye.

Someday it'll get better.

Luhan pushes himself off the bed, slowly. He’s done.

In an alternate universe, Luhan would have stayed in bed, letting Sehun continue with his affairs, but not in this one.

-

 

He’s still young, he’s still in love, but is the other party that’s involved in love too? Where did the times go when everything was just filled with happiness? If there’s a chance, if there’s ever a possibility to rewind time, he would go back to the beginning. To the beginning that started it all, the moment he first glanced at Sehun.

He was charming: a perfect prince that every girl wanted. That’s the problem, every girl wanted him. Luhan did too.

But there was something that caught Luhan’s eyes. It was something that no one else saw besides him. Sehun had a sign above his head that called out for help. He was broken and Luhan was determined to fix him, even if he was broken too. Call him crazy, but he thought he could be that single grain of rice to tip the scale over.

Luhan was hoping to be someone that would knock a player off his game. Maybe, he did help Sehun. Maybe Sehun was just too caught up in his fantasies that he didn’t realize loosing Luhan would ever occur to him.

Maybe Sehun was too late in noticing something like this would eventually happen. All Luhan wanted to do was love Sehun, and be loved in return. That’s not too much to ask for. He believes, with the tiniest of hope he has left, that Sehun would realize his actions and think that he’s not the only one with problems.

Luhan wanted to help Sehun, and have him save Luhan as well.

It’s sadistic of him, it’s not like him at all, but he wants Sehun to experience the pain he’s felt all this time The ones where it was hard to breathe, the moment where his heart shattered to pieces; he’s hoping that it would make him realize something he didn’t before.  
The say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but this time, would it have an effect on Sehun?

But this time there’s a twist. This time, he’s going to let the perfect prince run all over the world to find the person who left with half of his heart. This time he’s not going to do the chasing. It’s going to be a while before Luhan’s okay, before his heart starts functioning again, but really without Sehun he’s just as lost as every person in this world.

He’s not going to give up, and he knows that’s stupid, but he’s waiting for a sign, for anything.

-

 

Fixing his scarf so it’ll cover his nose, adjusting the straps on his backpack, Luhan shakily sings, “And even though, we didn’t work out together, you’re still my sunset.”

He takes a long glance at the sleeping figure he left on the bed, and takes a deep breath before he tightens the hold on his suitcase. It’s going to be a long journey, but if Luhan meant something to Sehun, he’ll find him in no time.

-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun turns over, casually throwing his arm to the right side of the bed, expecting a warm, lithe body to be there. But there wasn’t. Feeling around helplessly, his hand falls on a little card. He thinks it’s one of Luhan’s cute love notes. Forcing his eyes open, there’s a smile on his face, but as he reads the card out loud, the smile slowly melts off.  
His voice unstable from last night’s events, it cracks more.

“Find me somewhere, where our dreams were endless as the stars in the sky.”

Unknowingly, tears slide down the side of his face, staining his pristine, white pillowcase.  


attempt at angst????  
[twitter](http://twitter.com/sehlus) / [ask. fm](http://ask.fm/shxnlu)  



	2. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought when Luhan was gone, Sehun wouldn't be chained down anymore. But later he realizes, he can't live without the sun brilliantly shining down on him. Sehun realizes that he isn't Sehun without Luhan.

The sound booms in his ears, deafening. There's nothing else but the pulse of the beat that leads him down on the dancefloor, dancing with random faces and bodies that meld with his. It's the smell of alcohol that leaves him wanting more. Intoxicated, his mind is everywhere but here, and him. He doesn't let himself think, because there isn't anything, or anyone, to think about anymore. 

He's a freeman. That's what he is. He's free. 

That's what he likes to believe actually. 

Sitting down at the bar, drowning another whiskey on the rocks, the picture of yesterday morning's mishap comes into his mind. The cardstock with his name carefully written on it, and the tears that stained his pillow. Luhan's final goodbye struck at his heart, but wasn't that what he's been waiting for? Wasn't he waiting for a chance for him to go?

He swallows the last drops in one go, slams the glass down on the bar, and leaves this place. Suddenly the music is too loud for his ears, and the smell of alcohol just makes him want to empty the contents of his stomach.

Stumbling out of the bar, Sehun walks in the night. The fresh, crisp air filling his lungs whenever he takes a deep breath. His mind is filled with pictures of Luhan, and he thinks he needs to try to find another person to get him off his head and out of his heart. It's not like he mattered much right? He was just another target. Another game to play. 

He still remembers the hidden glances Lu Han gave him back in college. Obvious with his interest in Sehun, he thought he could play a little game. It was out of impulse, and it was the right timing too. He just broke up with his girlfriend. She’s someone who somehow lasted a few months longer than most. Not actually interested in her, Sehun just wants to show the whole world that he’s over her and on to another. 

Lu Han seemed like the easiest to approach. Hell, he just wanted to know what it was like to be with a guy. Would it be like a girl? Would it be better?

Yet, Sehun never realized that being with Lu Han would make him see all the darkness within himself, and he didn’t like that at all. Lu Han was this person who Sehun just found himself enjoying, not for the game, but for enjoying life. 

He just found every day exciting. Something he’s never felt ever since his mother left him. But he just couldn’t let this happen. After they’ve graduated college and found respectful jobs, Sehun went back to his ways of playing around. 

Even after all this time, he knew that _Love was just another easy game to play._ He won’t let himself fall like that. No matter how beautiful Lu Han is, no matter how much the other is in love with him, he can’t fall in love either. 

He doesn’t want to lose someone again. 

So the game lives on without Lu Han knowing. 

\------

Whenever Sehun was with Lu han, he finds that he can just be so happy. 

Lu Han fits him better than any girl that he’s ever fucked. He just loves the way Lu Han would cry his name when he was underneath him. Or when Lu Han would wake up on early mornings just to make Sehun breakfast. It was these moments that he’s found himself so in love with Lu Han. 

Sometimes, he just forgot that this was a game, and let himself fall. Wrapped around Lu Han’s finger, Sehun knew that it felt good to have someone care for you, and give themselves up wholly. 

With Lu Han, Sehun felt like he could be himself. No secrets, no lies, no cheating. It was in these little moments he found himself to be kissing Lu Han more, hugging him tightly not wanting to let him go. It was also in these moments where they would go on little getaways, learning more about each other. 

Little by little, Sehun let himself be immersed in golden rays of light. 

But when Lu Han left, Sehun felt like he could breathe again. Or so he thought. 

Shaking his head, Sehun thinks he needs to go to the bar, pick up a random woman. He needs to get his mind off of things. 

And by things, well, namely Lu Han. 

 

 

Sehun releases the smoke from his mouth, not even caring about the nameless woman beside him. The sex wasn’t good. It’s not the same. He kept imagining it was Lu Han. And when he came, he whispered Lu Han’s name instead. 

His cheek still stings from the slap. Never in his lifetime has he ever called the wrong name before. Sehun’s all out of his element. A new feeling that he doesn’t like to experience. Taking a deep drag from his cigarette, Sehun slides off the bed reaches into his wallet and drops a twenty on the bed. The least he could do is pay a third of the motel right?

 

\---

Sitting at his desk in his small apartment, Sehun stares at the blank document in front of him. he can’t think of the right words to put into his proposal. Nothing’s coming to him. This is his most important assignment yet, and he can’t find the right words to persuade his boss with this proposal.

Ever since Lu Han left, Sehun feels like he’s lost something important. A space where his heart used to be, isn’t there anymore. Oh Sehun thought he was impervious to love. That a man like him doesn’t deserve love from anyone, or that no one can love him. 

Yet the person who did, he just let him slip out his fingers like fine grains of sand on a beach. Tapping his thumb repeatedly on the key of the space bar, he doesn’t know what to do. 

Deciding he needed a break, Sehun goes on a jog. 

Whenever his his mind is in a jumble, Lu han would be there to massage his head, and sing those Chinese songs he’s found himself missing. He doesn’t know why he’s looking for someone who left. It was his choice right? It was Lu han’s choice to leave him. It wasn’t his. 

He feels drops of rain falling onto his forehead. Brushing off the feeling, he keeps on running. A little drizzle won’t bother him. He needs to forget about Lu Han. He tells himself that Lu Han would be happier without him. He’s seen the pain he’s caused on the other, he’d rather have Lu han happy without him, rather than be in pain because of him. 

The rain starts to pick up. With drops falling harder than the previously, Sehun runs until he can’t feel his feet on the ground. He needs this feeling to go away. It’s not his fault. He didn’t do this. There isn’t a destination in mind, but he just runs underneath the screen of rain. 

The thunder in the distance rumbles, his heart beats quickly in his chest. 

Sehun doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. He stops in the middle of a secluded park, letting the rain fall. His chest heaves hard. Facing toward the sky, he lets out a frustrated scream into the heavens. 

For the first time in a long time, Sehun doesn’t know what to do anymore. WIthout Lu Han in his life, he feels empty. 

And so he runs again. This time with one place in mind, hoping that this person knows where his heart is at. 

Sehun makes it to Lu Han’s bestfriend’s house, running through the rain and the thunder. He presses the doorbell so many times, he’s lost track. Leaning against the frame of the door, Sehun heaves, heaves and heaves until he feels like he’s about to pass out.

When the door finally opens, it’s a man with a towel on his head, fresh from the shower. “Hell-- Oh my god Sehun!” The man quickly helps Sehun inside his house, throwing his own towel over the wet person. 

“Yixing,” Sehun breathes out, barely. “Where’s Lu Han? I need to see Lu Han.” Yixing, Lu Han’s best friend ever since high school, leads Sehun to his couch. Yixing disappears momentarily, and comes back holding another towel for Sehun. 

“What are you doing here!” Yixing exclaims, pacing around the room. Sehun towel dries himself. Yixing runs away again and comes back with a glass of water handing it to Sehun who accepts it thankfully. “Where’s Lu Han?” he asks again.

Yixing takes the seat adjacent from Sehun, biting his lip in contemplation. “He’s at your beach house in Busan. Sehun, please if you don’t love Lu Han just let him go.” Sehun finishes the water in two gulps. “I can’t do that.” He places the cup on the coffee table. 

“Why do you keep leading Lu Han on when you don’t even want to deal with him in the first place? He’s been in love with you for a long time!” Yixing yells at Sehun. His face is red with anger. Of the time he’s known Yixing, he’s never seen him get angry. Sehun stands his ground, he’s not going to let go. Not anymore.  
“I can’t let go of the person who makes me feel loved.” 

“But you don’t even love him!”

“What makes you think I don’t? I’m going to make it right this time, Yixing. Thanks for the help.” Sehun places the wet towel on Yixing’s couch, and heads home. 

 

\-------

 

Sehun rolls over to his side, expecting a warm body to cushion him. His hand wanders over the expanse of the bed, trying to find the person who used to sleep beside him. But reality is a bitch, and he realizes that the person that sleeps beside him isn’t there anymore. 

He walked out when he had the chance. 

No, no. Sehun can make this work. Sehun has the chance to make it happen again. He rolls out of bed, and puts on his best clothes. Locking the front door shut, he’s on his way.

Just when the word rolled off of Yixing's tongue, he knew where Luhan would be. Luhan was always fond of beaches, and the time before the morning sun. Dawn. He always talked animatedly about the way the sun would rise from the from the horizon at early hours of the morning, softly illuminating the world. Overcoming the darkness with the light, Luhan said as they mapped the stars in the skies one night.

Sehun knows this place in Busan, where houses line up along the oceanside. He knows that he and Luhan have a vacation house there. How could he forget so easily? How did he forget about the things he used to care about to easily? The pang in his chest deepens. He should have never done anything like that to Luhan.

If only the latter would forgive him. Is it possible to try? Can they start over again? The old him would have laughed at the idea of Luhan not forgiving him, he always did, but now... Now the chance of forgiveness seems non-existent.

Sehun parks his car where the pavement meets the sand. It's the moments before the sunrise: there's still darkness in the sky, a mixture of orange, gray, pink. He removes his shoes, opting to leave them in the car instead. It’s been a while since he’s visited this place. There’s a slight feeling of nostalgia. Closing his eyes, he immerses himself in the smell of the place that always brings him peace.

Slipping his toes into the sand, Sehun stares out into the horizon, trying to find something he once lost. The sea breeze picks up, moving his hair along the currents. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, trekking down toward the shoreline. The sounds of waves crashing towards the coast gives Sehun a vague sense of himself. Lost in his thoughts, he thinks about the times he’s done wrong to Lu Han. Honestly, it would a bullshit excuse to say that he was just having fun.  
But his fun came with a price. He lost the love of his life. He lost the person who makes every single day worthwhile. If it was possible, Sehun would take back all the times he made Lu Han cry, and made him suffer so much pain, and transfer that pain to himself. Someone as beautiful as Lu Han shouldn’t experience excruciating pain like that ever, and it was Sehun's biggest sin in life to be the giver of that pain.

He can’t bear that he was the cause of Lu Han’s sleepless nights, and insecurities.  
And now, he doesn’t think he can bear the thought that he’s also the reason of Lu Han’s trust issues. He understands it’s his fault. He knows that. He takes the blame for everything he’s done. He walks down the coast, looking out into the ocean. Just then he’s about to walk into the sea foam, laughter from a few meters away bring him out of his isolation.

He sees Lu Han happily playing with a child, chasing him around with a water gun. A slight smile makes it’s way onto his face. At least now he knows that Lu Han is doing alright. It’s okay if Lu Han is without him right? He’s happy. He’s not with Sehun, who would only bring him pain. Unconsciously, he finds himself walking towards them, as if Lu Han is the magnet that Sehun is attracted to.

Actually, it’s always been like that. All this time. Somehow, Sehun will always find himself running back to Lu Han.

When he realizes what he’s doing, he quickly stops in his tracks. Sehun just watches as Lu Han’s white shirt billows in the wind as he chases the child around. The joyous laughter is music to his ears, laughter that he missed so much. Sehun loves it when Lu Han is so carefree, so happy. If Lu Han is happy, by default, Sehun is too. He doesn’t want to ruin this happiness anymore. He can’t do this to Lu Han anymore. He’s crazy for driving all the way here, but why did he drive all the way here? It was to bring him back right? It was to have Lu Han in his arms again?

Just when he was about to turn back, to turn away forever, a ball rolls toward him. The child Lu Han was playing with runs over toward him. “I’m sorry, mister!” But he runs away before Sehun can manage a reply. Sehun watches the child run back towards Lu Han. The child hands Lu Han the ball back, but Lu Han isn’t paying attention to him at all. His eyes, focused on Sehun, tell a story that Sehun can’t decipher.

Sehun holds the gaze Lu Han has on him. While keeping his eyes on Sehun, Lu Han leans down to the child by his legs. Soon enough, the child runs away from the both of them, back to the beach house that Sehun bought for them years ago. Lu Han walks toward Sehun with his arms wrapped around his body. The morning, as beautiful as it is, is still cold, especially when it’s in the early parts of Spring, when there are still remnants of Winter.

Meeting halfway, they don’t say anything to each other for a while. They only look intently into each other’s eyes, wondering what the other one is thinking. It used to be that they knew what each other was thinking, but now, as times changed, maybe they don’t even know anymore. When you’ve stopped talking to a person for so long, you just lose connection.

But Sehun is willing to re-establish that connection between them. He’s going to do everything in his might to bring Lu Han back to him. He’s going to make sure Lu Han comes back to him, no matter what it takes. No matter how much convincing will happen, no matter how much Sehun will sacrifice, he’s going to make Lu Han his again.

They stand there, toes inches apart, the wind rustling their hair. In the distance the sun is starting to make it’s way into the sky. Sehun scratches the back of his neck, as Lu Han tightens his hold around his body. Sehun clears his throat, knowing that their future is in his hands.

“I’m sorry.” Sehun starts. His hands reach down to take apart Lu Han’s self embrace. Holding small, soft, warm hands in his rough calloused ones, he looks directly into their owner’s eyes, trying to convey the words that he hasn’t been able to the last few months. He searches for something—anything—in Lu Han’s eyes. When he isn’t able to find anything, he continues. “I’m sorry. I’m wrong. I should have never done that. I was only thinking about myself.”

Lu Han still doesn’t say anything. He only shifts his stance. His eyes bore deeply into Sehun’s. Sehun accepts his fate. He’s the one that made Lu Han into this person. He didn’t know that the side effects were this harsh. He only wants to see him smile again. 

Tightening his grip on Lu Han’s hands, he pours his heart out. “I honestly wasn’t myself when I did that. Lu Han, baby, I’ve regretted every single thing I've done, every day since you’ve left.’ I’m sorry if you feel like you can't compare to those people because they’re girls. It’s my fault you think this way.” Sehun falls to the ground, remembering every tear stained face he came home to.

Whenever Lu Han thought that Sehun wouldn’t notice him because he was sleeping, Sehun saw right through him. Coming home to Lu Han sleeping silently in bed with a face full of dried tears made his heart hurt. He doesn’t understand why even before, he didn’t stop. Every time he saw the pain, why did he not put a stop to it? “I always thought that you would love me. I never thought that the day would come where you would leave me.” Sehun buries his face into Lu Han’s thighs, the ones that he would kiss every night.

Lu Han still doesn’t move from his place. Sehun’s knees are in the sand, and his tears are staining the former's jeans. “I’ve honestly never felt pain like this before. I never knew what love was like until I met you. As cliché as this sounds, I couldn’t live without you.”

Lu Han keeps a stoic face, but the tears run down his cheeks. He wipes them away with the back of his hand furiously. “I’ll do whatever it takes to have to back. Lu Han, please, I’m sorry.” Sehun mutters into his thighs. This is the first time Sehun has broken down in front of anyone. Along with his saying that _Love is just another easy game to play_ , he swore he wouldn’t let the world see him in his weakest state. And yet, look at him now, as he finds himself doing the exact opposite of his philosophies.

Wiping his face one last time, Lu Han struggles to pull Sehun up from the ground. “Stand up, stand up.” His eyes are red. In the distance the sun is half way between the horizon, and the wind has stilled. Lu Han brings his hands up to Sehun’s face, wiping off the tears that linger on the apples of his cheeks. Sehun brings his hand up, clasping it over the smaller pair. Written in their eyes was a story of lost, anger, love, and hope.

“Not everything can be made up with a sorry, Sehun.” Lu Han’s voice is hoarse. Sehun purses his lips into a straight line. “Not every heartbreak can be mended with a sorry anymore.” Lu Han starts to tear up once more. Sehun feels his chest clench at the sight. Afraid of the future, he starts to tear up as well. Will this be the end for the both of them?

“I’m so—“Before Sehun can say another word, Lu Han interrupts with a shaky laugh. “Did you know my world used to revolve around you? I made you the center of my universe, but then I see you go and flirt with these other girls and I thought, ‘I wouldn’t have a chance with this man.’” Sehun tries to close the distance between them, taking a step toward Lu Han.

“But then we met by chance. Even though it was just you trying to get your ex-girlfriend jealous. At that moment I thought, at least he could be mine, even if we’re just pretending to be a couple. Little did you know I actually loved you, and learned to love you more during our little act.” Lu Han directs his eyes downward, and slides one hand off of Sehun’s face. “I thought I was a fool for liking someone so much. I thought I was a fool for giving my all and having nothing in return.”

Sehun nuzzles his face into the warmth of Lu Han’s palm. Lu Han looks at him directly in the eyes, searching for something. “The question that still lingers in my mind, to this day, is are you really mine to keep?” Sehun drops his hand from Lu Han’s, tangling it into Lu Han’s dark brown locks. Nodding his head, “I’ve always been yours. I was just too dumb to realize it. 

Lu Han laughs. The kind of laugh that doesn’t reach his eyes, it was more like a scoff. “ _You never know what you have until it’s gone._ ” He says the phrase. Sehun slowly nods, “Yeah. I never noticed how blind I am now that the sun is gone.” Staring at Lu Han, Sehun notices that he looks better than he did the last time. His cheeks look fuller. His youthful glow, that he missed so much, has returned. “Please. Forgive me, one last time.”

“Forgiving isn’t easy as it seems, Sehun.” Lu Han says. Slowly, Sehun inclines his head down, as Lu Han inclines his head upward.

When their lips touch, the pang in Sehun’s chest lessens. The beating quickens instead. Pressing him harder against those lips that he’s missed so much, Sehun explores Lu Han’s mouth just like he used to way back then. Pulling apart, Sehun rests his forehead on the latter’s, and cups his small face with his hands. “I promise to make up for my mistakes. I promise to love you every single day of my life. I promise to show you that you’re the only person I need.” He breathes against soft, now wet, lips.

“I don’t need promises, Sehun. I need to see you do them. I need actions, sincere actions.” Lu Han whispers. Sehun then reaches into his back pocket. Getting down on one knee, he opens the box while looking up at Lu Han. “Will you marry me, Lu Han? I will only look at you, and only you. I will love you and only you. I won’t hurt you anymore. You’re the light that the leads me in the darkness. Without you, I’m lost.”

Lu Han looks down at Sehun, shaking his head quietly. “I’m sorry.” Lu Han pushes himself away from Sehun. "You think some ring and a proposal is enough? I wanted to see sincerity, and you doing this doesn't exactly prove it.” Sehun’s taken aback from Lu Han’s displeasure. But he knows why this is happening. He wasn’t expecting a full ‘yes’ from Lu Han. 

Sehun’s hand drops to the ground. “Anyone can propose when they're scared to be alone, they always have the divorce papers if anything goes wrong. But it takes faith, faith that I don't have right now, to love someone like I loved you. I’m scared, Sehun.” Lu Han turns his back away from Sehun. He gazes at the sea that hugs the shoreline. The sound of waves crashing never felt so loud before. 

“Give me back that faith, give me something to hold on to, give me all of you. That's what I ask of you, not your hand in marriage. Marriage is a contract, but that's not what we need. I don't want to be the law that makes it illegal for you to be with others. I want to be your sun, that you look to and it's enough.” Sehun pushes himself off the ground, dusting off the sand on his pants. 

“Make me believe that I'm your everything, and only then should you dare to ask for something like marriage.” He stares at Lu Han’s back, then back at the ring in his open palm. He’ll save this for another day. He won’t stop asking for Lu Han’s hand in marriage. But marriage is a huge promise, something that can’t be easily taken.

Closing his palm on the ring, Sehun slides it back into his pocket for safe keeping. Unhurriedly, Sehun walks toward Lu Han who watches the sunrise. He wraps his arms around the other, inhaling the scent he’s missed so much. “I promise to show you every day that I’m sorry. I’m going to make it up to you. I will always be here for you.”

Maybe Lu Han will forgive him quickly, but maybe he won’t. Sehun learned from his mistakes, and vows to never repeat them again. He can’t stand to walk through hell once more. Seeing the light that radiated off of Lu Han made him miss the sun.

Only time can heal the wounds. And Sehun is willing to stay next to Lu Han until he can finally answer him with a yes. 

Even after that, Sehun will stay until he sees the last sunset in his life.


End file.
